Abbr. Enth.

Since it’s a holiday week and all, I’m going to put off my Introduction to Pseudoscience Part II post until a later date.  For now enjoy this and shut up.

I think the article title says it all, but I’ll break it down a bit more anyway.  A month or so ago I accidentally clicked on an item in my spam folder when trying to check it off to be deleted.  Before I navigated back out I noticed a particularly funny sentence in it…so I decided to allow it to live for another week.  As the weeks passed I accumulated even more funny stuff, so I decided to share the wealth with you.

Most of the spam I get is for male herbal remedies, because somehow my computer knows that I have a tiny penis and an impotency problem.  Just kidding.  No really.  Cut it out guys, it’s not funny anymore.

Of course the messages have to find a way to convey their message in a way that’s not going to get picked up by every spam filter on Earth, which results in some pretty funny lines.  Here are my favorites, with my comments below each in italics.

• “You will reach deeper inside her with your new tool.”
• “Your new weapon will remove her undies.”
  I couldn’t help but make the connection to “Jack the Snipper”, a guy who crept into girls’ dorms at UNH and cut their undies off while they slept.
• “My wang dangles out of my boxers, you can be like me too.”
  I lol’d
• “Beat your man meat and let it wreck havoc among the girls.”
• “I enjoy the company of beautiful ladies in bed.”
  Simple, but gets the point across.
• “Unleash the awesome anaconda from your pants right now.”
  Wow, we’re using alliteration!
• “Your lady will appreciate the lengths you go to for her.”
  Simple puns. On the verge of cleverness.
• “She had a hard time stuffing her mouth with my giant pleasure snake.”
  The concept of a “giant pleasure snake” makes me giggle.
• “Get the big tits at school to admire how large you have become.”
• “Upgrade your organ into a monster size easily with these wonder pills.”
• “You can now be your very own Willie Wanker up the chocolate factory.”
  Eew…

In short, I don’t think we give these people enough credit.  I mean, you have to be somewhat clever and intelligent to be able to come up with a hundred different ways to grab someone’s attention while only alluding to the production you’re trying to sell.  Anyway, if this post doesn’t result in me getting arse-tons of spam, I’m going to be quite surprised.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 4th, 2008 at 4:00 am and is filed under Silly. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.